January 23rd, 2008
Parody
I’m s’posed to be doing other stuff, but I’m so intrigued by this story– http://autisticbfh.blogspot.com/2008/01/autism-speaks-silenc es-autistic-child.html –that I can’t think of much else at the moment. Which is effecting my ability to work. It’s become like that song you can’t get out of your head; it’s bugging the heck out of me. I have SO many ideas for parody sites to take the place of the one strongarmed away by Autism Speaks I can hardly pick which one would be the most fun!
So in the interests of ‘getting this out of my head’, here are just a couple ideas for alternate parody sites:
AutismSpanks.org : A website devoted to handing out ’spanks’ for bad autism organisations and sites. Autism Speaks, of course, would get the maximum number, let’s say 5. No, 10. No…100. Heh.
Bad Autism Speaks! Behave yourself!
AutismSparks.org : A website devoted to offering cool ideas to make life easier and more livable for autistic people and promote positive helpful information from people, websites and real life organisations. The Autism Hub could be awarded 5 sparks, the maximum number of course 
It’s kind of a nice idea, though not big on parody.
But there’s one idea that’s really fun to think about and is firmly stuck in my head. A site that would be a true parody.
FelinesSpeak.org
A site devoted to desperate cat owners who can’t manage to train their cats to act like dogs.
It’s really horrible, being a cat owner, you know. The world is set up for dogs. Everybody loves dogs! They’re so cute and affectionate! It’s obvious dogs are superior to cats, everyone in their right mind knows that. Why, did you know you can spend hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to get your cat to act like a dog and get absolutely no satisfaction for your trouble? It’s just awful. Cat owners have it so hard!
I envision a picture of a woebegone looking cat on the front page, and videos of cat owners trying to train their cats to bark, or take on tasks suitable for dogs. A picture of a fluffy Persian trying to herd sheep…a skinny sphinx kitty with a barrel under it’s chin, training to be a Saint Bernard. Advertisments for animal trainers (we can teach your cat to roll over and bark just as good as any dog! Before you know we can have your Siamese running with the neighborhood pack, baying at the moon and chasing the mailman like a good dog should!)
And of course, there would be awareness raising videos, of how horrible it is to have a cat. Why some cat owners are so miserable they even think their cats would be better off dead if they can’t manage to act like a dog!
Video close up of a long suffering cat owner–
“It was terrible! I went and looked at a school for cats, and there wasn’t a single dog there! I was so upset for the sake of my kitty that I wanted to throw it off the nearest bridge, but I didn’t because then the authorities might take away my dog. I wouldn’t want to do something so unfair to sweet little Fido!”
Long suffering cat owner wipes a little tear off cheek…
*sniff*
And of course there would be lots of links to charity work for the organisation, making money for ‘awareness raising’ campaigns and research. ‘Awareness raising’ to make sure everyone knows how horrible cats can be, and how hard it is to be a cat owner! And once everyone’s awareness is sufficiently raised, it will be easy to sell the idea of what a wonderful world this would be without cats at all! And ‘research’ because it be splendid if we could find a pill that instantly turns all cats into dogs! And failing that there’s always the possiblity of a prenatal feline test. All to give us hope for a future when…
not a single cat exists anywhere!
Ok, that’s enough. I think I can get back to work now LOL….
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I can’t get the link to ABFH’s site to post correctly. I’m a miserable failure with technology
Can anyone give me a hint how to do this? When I tried to use ‘link’ on the compose page it turned this entire post into a link, and for some reason just plunking in the link results in a broken link. Bummed….
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:18 pm
FelinesSpeak.org
I liked that as a parody! LOL.
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Regarding the cat/dog thing, I wrote this just over a year ago. Good to know I’m not the only one who’s come up with that analogy.
http://hopefulnebula.vox.com/library/post/poetry-behavior-th erapy.html
I wish I could help you with the linky stuff, but I don’t know Wordpress. Have you tried raw html, or simply text links?
January 23rd, 2008 at 7:09 pm
My cat is indistinguishable from her dog peers. She is cuddling with me right now, walks on a leash, and plays fetch. Does that make her a “success story” even if she doesn’t bark?
*snort* FelineSpeaks…
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Oh, dear, this is too precious. I especially love the fun that could be had with the “Catty Every Day” video.
Joe
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:48 pm
That linking problem looks like it’s a glitch in your blogging software; I don’t think you did anything wrong.
I hope someone gets inspired by your post and builds that cat parody site. It would be hilarious.
January 24th, 2008 at 5:56 am
Thanks, Bonnie, I like the ‘blame the software’ approach to this lol…I hope that’s the problem, because I really did try to fix it
I do wish I had time to take up a project like this, it would be so fun…I’d be thrilled if someone more tech savvy (with more spare time!) took it up, though. I’d be happy to help with images if anyone feels like it. I think a cornflower blue background with bright saturated text boxes along the top would look striking for the theme (snort!)
Kassianne I think your kitty might be on her way to recovery, but you know if she can’t bark you’ll have to bark for her
If she meows, ignore it, it’s just a symptom.
Hopeful Nebula, good poem. And sad. I think we’re on the same wave length with this idea. Because even if I tried to inject the idea with humor to parody Autism Speaks, being so misunderstood and unappreciated is actually very sad.
January 24th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Hehe, FelinesSpeak.org.
Love it!
January 25th, 2008 at 2:30 am
I trained one of my cats to walk to heel once.
No I didn’t he trained me. When we were on holiday I used to try to take him around the caravan sites on a lead.
He said “enough, up with this I will not put, I am an intelligent cat, take the lead away and I am not going to run away cos I can’t drive home and you can”
He trained the other cat too, who used to follow him like a dog.
January 25th, 2008 at 3:55 am
My goodness, Larry, I think your cat might be a candidate for a ‘recovery’ video. Is he able to wag his tail? Because we want to make sure he has the non-verbal stuff down to a tee before we film
It would be embarressing if he…you know…swished his tale instead of wagging. People might doubt the veracity of our recovery claim. Also make sure he’s declawed ahead of time, it would be just awful if he took off up a tree while the cameras are on :O I guess we could claim he’s a Basinji, tho’, they climb trees, don’t they?
(On a more serious note, he sounds like a very sweet, smart cat. I’m glad you didn’t insist on a lead, he was too smart for one by the sound of things, and he trained you well
)
January 25th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
How about AutismSpecks, a site for autistic people who get fixated on the tiny bits of dust that are always floating in the air? Now that I think about it, cats watch those too.
January 26th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Alas in the words of TS Eliot my cats went before me into Avernus.
Pluto was an extraordinary cat, he was fairly verbal, he being the first cat had established the protocols of communication of his wants and needs, and Circe the second cat, did not know the procedures of the household so to begin with when she had a request she prevailed upon Pluto to make it for her.
(you have know cats to see that in action)
Pluto was a big fat male cat who had a fearsome reputation as a fighter in the street, a boss cat if ever there was one. But he used to put up with me when I was drunk which is
something.
Circe was even more extraordinary than Pluto, because they did not hit it off immediatly, as I said Pluto was fiercely territorial, he lorded it over the dog upstairs, and the urban foxes needed to be careful, but Circe just would not be intimidated by him, she decided that Pluto was going to be her friend and mentor in this new household, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it, it was interesting to watch. You can see the pictures of the two of them lying side by side. I think she really had some regard for Pluto. Once they got to know each other they shared the food bowl and would lie down alongside each other.
The nous and intelligence of Cats is not to be underestimated.
January 27th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Rememberance of cats past
Animals don’t live nearly long enough. Our two pet rats died of old age recently, we’ve decided our next pet is going to be a cat. They live longer.
My favourite cat ever was a manx. He was a big fat bulky dude that would head butt you when he wanted to be petted. When you petted him just right he would grunt like a pig, I’m not making that up. He was an awesome quirky character, and one of a kind.
February 16th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
these are good ideas
I especaly like the FelineSpeaks one and AutismSpecks lol