December 14th, 2007
My Wittle Feelings Are Not Hurt
After not writing anything for a few months I decided to test the waters again the other day. I don’t generally like writing, in fact, I hate it worse than matching socks, my least favourite household chore. My husband must have 200 black socks (well, it SEEMS like that many when they’re all in the basket!) and they’re all the same size, but they’re all subtly DIFFERENT. I hate matching them like you can’t believe, it makes me so frustrated I could cry.
And sometimes I do.
I hate writing worse than that. Does this give you an idea of why I don’t do it?
Ironic for a compulsive reader to hate writing that much, don’t you think? It’s every bit as joyful to me as…matching black socks.
Seems the only time I can get my lazy easily frustrated self to put fingers to keyboard is when there is something I feel so strongly about that I’m just gonna burst if I don’t say it. I’ve been feeling that way alot lately, so here I am again.
The reason I decided it’s time to add my voice to those more eloquent and better educated voices, is my anger over the recent ad campaign run by the NYU Child Study Center. Like many who have written about the ad campaign, I’m angry. In fact, I’m furious. It’s a nasty, hurtful, underhanded thing for someone to use scare tactics like that for any reason, but when it comes to all things AUTISM, I have to wonder when I see something like that: What’s in it for them?
Well, does anyone know? I’ve had a look at their website. Looks like they are running all sorts of schools and clinics, they have lists of doctors affiliated with them, they’re involved in research and they do talks and conventions and stuff.
I’m assuming this is a ‘for profit’ organisation, no?
It would be nice to have that out in the open at some point. I know they claim they’re doing this to ‘raise awareness’. Ain’t that sweet of them? So WHY are they so worried about raising awareness?
Could it be that ‘raising awareness’ for this organisation, like so many other autism organisations, has less to do with helping people and more to do with making more money by scaring the kadoodles out of people? And could it be that scaring lots of people will put more pressure towards getting goverment funding? Could it fill the seats in those classrooms, make sure there are lots of patients in their clinics, maybe add a couple of new wings to the center, and some outreach centers in new areas? Could it be that getting their name out there as much as possible will add dollars to the research coffers and get more willing subjects for research?
Well…could it? I’m just asking.
Because I’d like to know what price our dignity is buying these days. I’d like to know. Wouldn’t you like to know too?
The responses I’ve seen from the center and it’s administration have only added to my frustration. I read tonight about this latest quote on a post at Autism Vox, http://www.autismvox.com/provocative-harsh-upsetting-the-ran som-notes-ad-campaign/ , quoted from a NY Times article listed at her blog ( do read there, she’s so much better spoken than I am 
)
Quote from the NY Times article, by Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, the founder and director of the NYU Child Study Center:
“Everyone who participated felt the ads were informative,” he said. “While we knew the campaign was edgy and we knew it would be harsh and upsetting, the facts of mental illness are even more upsetting.
“I am disappointed. I thought the people we’d be arguing with are the people who believe psychiatric illness doesn’t exist” or those who believe children are being overmedicated, he said.
“I thought we’d be fighting ignorance. I didn’t think we’d be fighting adult patients or the parents of patients whose feelings have been hurt.”
They PURPOSELY made the ads to be harsh and upsetting, and yet they’re surprised that people’s “feelings have been hurt”?!? How stupid does this man think we are? Stupid enough that we’re not ‘people’, obviously, in his mind we’re ‘patients’. Did you catch that bit? Here’s the quote again, just in case you didn’t, bold added:
” I didn’t think we’d be fighting adult patients or the parents of patients whose feelings have been hurt.”
And there you have it. I’ll bet my bottom dollar this is the real reason these ads are so harsh and upsetting. He’s not talking to people. He’s talking to potential patients or (especially) parents of patients.
Scare people badly enough, make them think they need you badly enough, and they’ll come running for your help I guess.
My feelings are not hurt, Dr. Koplewics, I’m ANGRY, and your patronising words and insincere explanations are not helping. My dignity and my son’s dignity are not commodities to use to line your pockets. You need to change your ads, and you MOST ESPECIALLY owe us all an apology.
There, I’m glad I got that off my chest, maybe I’ll go fold some socks. And probably have a good cry while I’m at it. I’m already frustrated, a few socks can’t make it much worse.
December 14th, 2007 at 8:03 am
Koplewicz: “I didn’t think…”
That says it all.
Ignorance like that may be hopeless, but here’s a suggestion for what you can do about the socks: Buy hubby plenty of new IDENTICAL black socks for Christmas, and throw away the old ones.
December 14th, 2007 at 9:04 am
Hey Bonnie,
Do you think if we bought everyone at NYC who is involved in this campaign identical buttons that say, “Cure Ignorance” they would look in the mirror often enough to get the message? Or do you think they would just ignore what they saw?
Mum Is Thinking,
I know you are always thinking. Whenever you are up to sharing what you think, I sure appreciate it. It helps me think and I know it helps others think as well. I really like what you think and what you write.
“How stupid does this man think we are?” I guess he didn’t factor that in. Weather he listens or not, you’re helping to make sure other people listen to what’s really going on. Thanks. Great Post!
December 14th, 2007 at 9:34 am
“I thought we’d be fighting ignorance. I didn’t think we’d be fighting adult patients or the parents of patients whose feelings have been hurt.”
Fighting ignorance? or propogating it?
My son is not a patient.
My feelings have nothing to do with this.
Autism is not a disease. It is a condition which makes it difficult to communicate with and understand other people. My son is learning how to deal with it.
Dr. K apparently is not.
December 14th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
I too, am not hurt, I am ANGRY.
For someone who doesn’t like writing you sure did a good job.
December 14th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Bonnie, I’ve considered doing that, but my penny pinchin’ heart quells at the thought of throwing out perfectly good socks.
Dunno about that doctor, I think he has a bad case of either 1. Not being able to put himself in someone else’s shoes or 2. Not giving a flying *@#$& how other people feel, as long as he (and his business) come out ahead of the game in the end.
I don’t think ignorance is really the problem here, though, so I’m leaning towards the second explanation.
But hey! at least I didn’t underestimate *his* intelligence, that’s more than he did for us.
Ed, you’re sweet, thank you. Glad to see your blog on the Hub, btw, I always wished you’d join. Good that you did
Hi Morgan…yeah, that quote about the ‘patients’ who should have been ‘people’ really got to me. Sheesh…
Hi Kassianne…I’m good at matching socks, too, it’s just that I hate doing it
I bet a lot of us are ANGRY, it was demeaning for the doctor to trivialize the reaction to ‘hurt feelings’. I wonder if he wouldn’t benefit from sensitivity training.
Oh, but wait, he’s a mental health professional, doesn’t that mean he should have a greater awareness of the effect of his words than the average person?
I can only assume that he DOES, and that he is simply underestimating the intelligence of those who read his words and/or that he is trying to twist the situation into something more trivial than it is.
December 15th, 2007 at 8:05 am
More good points. Sending a mental health professional to sensitivity training would be like asking politicians to start being honest. It’s not just that they aren’t doing enough of what they need to. It’s that there job is centered around demanding them to do the opposite of what they need to.
Mental health professionals are not just NOT required to have an awareness of the impact of their words, they are taught to see the people that they work with as not having a valid view and even worse, that it would be dangerous for us to start believing that we do. They are terrified of us so they will do anything can to do what they see as win the war against their patience. If our voice is heard, they are afraid it will start a revolution, put them out of a job, and this would threaten all of socitey.
“Scare people badly enough, make them feel they need you badly enough, and they’ll come running for your for help I guess.” That’s a great line from your post. It is very rare that the mental health professionals have to take much responsibility for what they do or say on their jobs that hurt the people they work with. When they are put in an new and awkward situation where this responsibilty is being asked of them by the empowered public (that they don’t know and never knew existed) and they will squirm and squawk to do anything to get out of it.
December 17th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
You’re right Ed, it sounds like people like this Koplewicz character are primed to have a very ‘us vs them’ attitude…I guess that would explain why they don’t see the problem with the ads. At a very basic level he doesn’t see people with autism, AS, adhd, bulemia, etc…as possessing valid ‘personhood’, not requiring respect and with no rights to dignity.
Wouldn’t you hate to be sitting in the patients chair with this man across from you. I would. It’s a scary thought that someone like that can make life and death decisions for his patients. All the more reason to keep kids as far away from the NYU Child Study Center as possible. Attitudes like that are probably common place there.
December 24th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Koplewicz wouldn’t be talking to the “patient” anyway, he’d be talking to the PARENT. The self advocates who were pissed off didn’t even enter his radar.
Do they call them patients because you have to be, very?
January 7th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I agree 100%…SO glad to to hear your voice again! I take little breaks from writing…mostly due to finding time. I love your blog & think you are so talented, so I hope you will be able to write some more. I know I was invigorated by what we all achieved from the Ransom Notes campaign withdrawal. Take care!!!